There is a magazine called IN THE WIND. The entire rag is composed of photos sent in by its readers. The photos are of motorcycles (reads Harleys), people in leather with their motorcycles, people drinking and doing drugs with their motorcycles, people doing stupid and often insanely dangerous things with their motorcycles, plus women pulling their tops off over their heads... All activities that seem essential for sustaining life on the planet.

       IN THE WIND pays 30 bucks for each photo that they publish. Except the best photo of the issue, it is given a two page spread at the front of the magazine under the title "500 BUCKS, NO SHIT".

       I only submit my work to the most refined of publications. And it was clear that this one, with pictures of drunken louts, stripers and no text (easy reading) was a perfect match for my talents.

       At the DMV in Kahului I found the form for vanity plates. I scratched out my request for motorcycle plates reading TIH2-ON and pushed it under the glass to the Sarah Palin look-a-like on the official side of the counter. She read it. Frowning, she peered over her glasses, giving me that "Jesus will save the worst of the heathen sinners... all except Godless dirt bag bikers like you..." look. I smiled back. I knew she didn't have a clue.

       She pushed back from the counter and took my form back to her supervisorís desk. Soon she was joined by two more of her cohorts. There was much animated conversation, shaking of heads, and a few sharp looks directed my way... I smiled back and fooled with my pencil. Returning Sarah charged me 25 bucks and told me they'd notify me when my plates were ready.

       A month later I got the call. The guy at the DMV found the envelop with my tags... He pulled them out and held them up to see that they were correct, exposing the "No Shit" (backside) of the plate to everyone on my side of the glass. The woman behind me gasped... I shot her a cold hard look and she shut up. He slid them under the glass... I snatched them and I said "Thank you" to the lady behind me as I made it for the door.

       The check for 500 bucks arrived two weeks before I left for my Asian haunts.

       The photo was featured in the December 2005 issue...